Forgive me, JC (Jenny Craig) for I have sinned

But just as Winston Churchill says, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”

Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!

God, I can’t believe I’m having yet another conversation with a friend on how attractive my brother is. This happens all the time.

I actually wouldn’t mind if they didn’t add “Are you two even related? You don’t even look alike.” Great. Thanks.

I want to be Jake Shears when I grow up

Dinner at Cafe Gratitude

My friends and I got to do a photo shoot in this really great studio in San Francisco with my Dad. Then we had dinner at Cafe Gratitude afterward.

One of my favorite things from Season 1.

You know a movie is good when…

four gay guys that are in the mood to watch four different things - one wants to watch a documentary, one an overwrought drama, another wants to watch a surreal art film, and the last one wants last year’s summer blockbuster - all agree to break out the popcorn for Mean Girls.

This is Jack Brady, he is about to let himself get in the way of his health, his education, and his dream to move to New York City. This fate could’ve been avoided if he had a Sassy Gay Friend.

What am I doing? What, what, what am I doing? It has been right around 60 days since I have started my first P90X workout and I have yet to hit Day 30. How messed up is that? Furthermore, I have kept on packing over 3,000 calories a day, regardless of whether or not I have been working out. And all of that has been going straight to my gut. I haven’t officially checked but I suspect that I am already fatter than I was when I first started this. This must be what they mean by yo-yo dieting. UGH!

Lady needs a wake-up call.

Today I woke up really tired with a headache – a sign that my sleep apnea has gotten bad again. What that means is that I have been snoring really loud at night because of my weight gain and because of that, I have been getting very little oxygen. That kind of shit kills brain cells. And I currently do not have any healthcare to take care of this problem other than losing weight.

Part of me is really scared of all of this, and part of me is trying to remind me of the other stuff I have to take care of. I got into my dream school but now I have no idea how to actually pay for it or how I go about getting scholarships and financial aid. I have yet to actually hear from my school and I’m getting freaked out because I’m lost. The whole task is so daunting that I just freeze up every time I think about it. Well, I don’t freeze up every time; sometimes I just eat up instead.

My parents, bless their heart, have been very patient and very generous with me - even when I’m acting out because of the pressure. But even with their money and support, I feel totally lost and alone. I’ve talked to both of them fairly recently and the ball is on my court to find some answers by Thursday. I have an idea where to start looking but seriously, I’m too tired and too intimidated to focus about anything other than food.   

I suspect I’m in one of those vicious circles Oprah talks about. I’m stressed about school and moving to New York so I eat. The more I eat, the more I feel shitty about myself and the shittier I feel about myself, the less I work out. The less I work out, with the more I eat and the shittier I feel makes me less capable of dealing with all that I’m stress about – which makes me just want to eat. Did you get all of that? I’m basically screwing myself over.

Yeah. Attractive. I know.

Anyway, I’m sorry bout the rant. I just process these things through blogs and it helps to know that someone could possibly read this. Plus, I felt like I needed to give myself some honesty so that I could start answering all the calls reality has been giving me saying “What, what, what are you doing?”

mugwumpian:

sissydudeomen2:

Marshmallow Boyfrenz!

The internet will eat itself / Mark will eat marshmallows. 

THIS is what my subconscious looks like.